What i found...

So now I tell you, there’s just one thing we need to concern about, that is NOT ourselves. They say this sound untrue, it is impossible….because we control ourselves, but controlling and concerning, it makes all the difference. If you wake up in the morning and someone says to you, ‘The other day, someone told me that you are the best person I can ever meet here’. Wouldn’t that make you feel good? Wouldn’t that just makes everything fine? Everything appear to have hope again? Everything to seem not-so-bad? Well, sometimes we all need that. And today, I found that. It is a chain that goes on and on…People who found it, lucky for them, people who don’t? Not so lucky then. Hey, I’m telling you again, it’s out there, your turn will come. Just hang on to something until it finds you.

XoXo,
Whichgirl.

Same old same, but different.

Here it is again, here comes exams !!! Anybody who's a student would know that exams is a pain in the ---. People normally feel stressed out and all, but if you have done what you could, then i guess that would just have to be your best bet right? Anyhow, DO NOT PANIC !!! On the friday 13th of November, im going to be taking the exam with others who have studied for a year, i however have only been studying it for 3 months to be exact, so what im trying to say is, i have the RIGHT to be stressed and to panic !!!!! Basically, im trying to make those who are going through SPM feel better cause my scenario is peobably worse than theirs...hugs hugs.... People who have even worse cases, do revisions!!!!!!! Just do it, just do it, just do it, just do it NOW. haha ! KABOOM !!!!

What hurts the most...

The thing is, i do not know what hurts me the most. I mean, normally people would know that there is something that they will be too broken hearted to lose, but despite the fact that i wanna know about others' , i dunno what hurts Me the most ? Anyway, i think i might needa try and lose some things to see which one hurts the most. Stupid but i think its pretty effective. Tell me some other ways would ya ?

Go easy !!

http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=292884700596&ref=nf

Haven been round...

I've been biting my head off lately, there's just so many things NOT being able to do, but im trying to finish all those that i CAN do. Newest updates ? As for all of us year 11 students, we have to get a work placement (like a job on trial) somewhere as soon as possible. Because the school wants us to try out different jobs before we make that our career. Which is indeed really good for us. So, i've been emailing all different places that might be able to take me. There's the theatre, the University Physics department ( like work in a lab), there's also some art gallery that i contacted. They all had come back to me, some said they're fully booked and actually only ONE came back saying that she could consider me cause normally she only takes in 17 year old students. But now that she has come back to me, im scared to email her again. I cant imagine me working in a gallery, painting and drawing and all... So, she said to have an appoinment with her in the early November, ( something like an interview i think). And now im thinking if i should go there or i should keep looking for other work placement ?? Help... After all, the higher you climb, the further you fall back down.

New info.

So just to tell you guys out there that ARE reading hahhhaa.... Not many but still worth writing. Well, i've started Kumon. And, im going back to teach the kid for a cheaper price cause his mother thinks im too ''expensive''. Haiz... So, same time for less money. but NVM, i'll just save. Also, i might work in the Kumon Centre for a part time job. Just keep marking papers !!! And get PAID !! Im saving up !!!! For i have no idea what, but who cares ?!!? With money, there's always things to use it on. Everybody knows that. So mail bomb is also going to start costing me cause i've ran out of free stamps. By the way, even though it seems like i've got everything under control, that should mean that im stressless for the moment right ? So let me just ask you this, WHY am i having so ''much'' pimples ?!?! Tell me alright ? See ya !! Smile.

Mail Bomb !!

HHAHAHA ! I know the title of this post is funny, but seriously, 'mail bomb' is fun !!! Basically, let me explain. The game goes like this, my friend and i are both mailing each other REAL mails, almost everyday. So, when we receive each other's mails the next week, we receive one almost everyday ! Its awesome ! I know its a little old fashion and stupid. But its really cool to receive a mail from your bestest friend !!!! And the cooler thing is that they too think its cool as well ! Anyway, im gonna try sending people one mail everyday. And i'll see what they think. Yeah yeah, call me lifeless !! but im just trying to make someone else smile !!! Cheez !!!

What you can and cant have.

I hate the fact that life is allowed to catogorize what you can and cant have. It feels like there's a whole controller switching the channels and never lets you have a go at choosing what you wanna watch!! Is there actually a fairy tale for everyone ? Is there really an escape that we can experience apart from reality when reality strike hard ? My mind always just wonder away to things that i belive in. It cant stay here where all things are meant to be accepted, where things are in their respectable places.

I wish i could have magic, which a lot of people wishes as well. But you know, people wish there's magic but they dont believe in it when they '' grow up'' but i still sometimes do and i cant help it. Because for the first time in a long time, im cant have what i want. Im in prison. A lot of people think that having a chance not to make a decision is better than making one. But making one decision is better than the decision being made for you. Just keep going till you see something, it might just be the right door you reached. So make your decision !

Im sorta excited but scared yet proud of myself.

Right, so today is gonna be my frist day having a ''job'' to do !!! AAAHHH !!! Im so nervous. Well, im suppose to teach this 7 year old kid math and English. In my head i was wondering why on earth does the mother wants me to teach the child english when there's so many english people here that can probably speak better than me ? Well, then i found out that it was actually because i could speak chinese !!!! Im so proud of that side of me. Anyway, so the kid is chinese and the mum wants me to teach him in math in TWO languages and English just in english la. I have to be in their house in exactly 35 mins from now. Currently in the library borrowing a book for him to read later and also going online telling you guys this news!! hehhheh !! Any ideas on what i can prepare as a ''teacher'' for him to help the teaching more interesting ?? Tel me kay !!!?? Ciaoz !!

Back at ''School'', Im on fire.

So since last Thursday, I've been back to my school and got things going. With this, it got me motivated. It is my last consideration on pressing the button. Not worrying about how friends here and in Malaysia thinks, I learn to be selfish. In a good way. Basically, I realise that even though so deep i miss my friends, so crushed i stay up late, so stupid i waste my time, i AM on my on doing. Now i've started to learn to protect myself instead of caring for what people thinks of me, because there's no space in me to contain that. Im going to look after and take good care of myself in whatever ways to ensure that i am not going off the hook. This, my only option because literally, there's only myself on my back. This may sound vague but NO !! I wont think about what's on your mind. Im gonna focus what's on mine ! Watch it, cause i know now. Other than this new ''update'', i appreciate all of your motivational emails. ( For those who sent me). Cheers.

Yiiieee Hhhaaaawww !!!

So last Sunday, a few of us went Horse Riding !!!! There's picture but its in someone else's camera so i dont have it. Maybe next time. So I woke up really early, which was something i dont normally do... Anyway, i got up and started strumming my guitar loudly walking in and out of everybody's room trying to wake everybody in the house up so that we wont be late !!! I know, i was VERY annoying !! hhahahaha... My mum threw a pillow at me and said 'Shut up la, its only.......... OMG !!!' Then she realise that it was already 8.30am ! And SHE started shouting '' WAKE UP EVERYBODY !!!! We're late '' Cause my mum dint even know how to get there yet. Then Peter and I studied the map, trying to find the perfect route, which is not really my expertise but we got there at about 9.50am, just about the right time. Cause our appointment was 10.00am. And we are fashionably late all the time. PS: Do not try this in your daily life, it may cause harm. Back to my story, we got there and that place STINKS !!!!! I couldn't stop laughing at my mum complaining about the smell cause she wanted to take a shower in the morning and i told her not to. And now she's going '' AIYA... Shit, shouldn't have washed my hair !! '' hahaha... Well, at first the man thought i was Irene and said that my horse today would be Ticky !! Then he went on and said, who's EMILY ??? And i was like HUH ?? Im Emily !!! Then the guy went '' oh sorry, you're riding Star then.'' my mum is riding Ticky, and Aunt Mei Ling is Riding Georgi. When they bring the horses out, Star and Georgi is white and Ticky is Black. Star was the tallest, followed by Georgi then Ticky. Star and Georgi are female and Ticky is a male. Then we all got on our horses, but mum had the funniest start cause she was panicking when she had jump over to get on the horse. She was holding on to the horse like she was hugging a pillow !! hahhaha !! I couldn't stop laughing at that time !! Anyway, all of us rode for about an hour, and when we had to come down, they told us to jump off. I was like WHAT ?!?!? WOKAY !! So i did, and when i came down, my thinghs hurts like MAMA !!! My legs were like spread opened, I couldn't stand straight, i had to more like half squating, took me about 10 seconds to get back to the right position ! Man, I started laughing non-stop which cracked everybody up cause my laugh sounded really stupid. All in all, we all had a great Sunday morning, then later on, mum and I went to Bath City Churh for the 2pm session while Peter and Mei Ling went shopping. Mum and i also signed up for another horse riding next Sunday !! Very excited even though my thighs still hurts.... hahah !!! Till the next post everyone ! Comment on the little chatbox if you dont have an account and would like to. Cheeezze !!

A wonderfull week.

Prawn noodles !!!!

Sheep's butt !!! Hahahah !!!

Guitar and BED !!

This week started off well... and ended nicely. Starting on the 19th ( wednesday), we watced GI.JOE that night ! I bet most of the girls loved Channing !!! He's smoking fire !! Thurs, bought my guitar for a cheap price !!! Friday was just normal help-mum-do-work day, which was als fun cause we dint fight at all the whole day !! Then, 22nd ( a saturday ), a few of us went hiking and jungle tracking and waterfall bathing sorta thing... took loads of photoes of us and even sheep's butt ! hahahha... AND i wrote names on rocks !! Had a wonderfull weekend. Came back on Monday moarning about not having a bed to sleep in but i got an awesome email from a friend, And surprisingly next morning mum calls and say open the door for the man whoes sending a bed over !!! I was more than thrilled ! Aunt Mei Ling, mum, Jimmy and i set up the bed... Actually all of us was just watching Jimmy doing it. Hehehe... We had some awesome Prawn mee ( Aunt Mei Ling cooked ) that i love and missed cause we cant get any here ! hahhahaha... So... Then comes Wednesday again ! I downloaded the movie Hesh told me to watch and damn ! it was TERRIFIC !! ''Made of Honor'' haahha... And tonight im just having a little quiet time to myself updating this blog !!

Cake and new song !!

What a sweet sweet day !!! I've learn to bake cake for the first time in my life !!! Cookies and chocolate i've made. But not a CAKE !!! hahahah.... Anyway, its really easy !!! Thanks to my mum's friend, now my friend as well...(Aunt Mei Ling). There's this new song that amazed me. Well its more of reminded me of some stuff. So... do watch it if ya want. Its called ''stay just a little'' by kina grannis.



Peeps out there, sorry you couldn't taste the cake, (well its not that nice anyway), but i do have a favour to ask, please pray for both Aunt Mei Ling and her mother as her mother has gotten diabetes and has to have one of her foot amputated so Aunt M.L. is now going through a hard time. Think about it...Imagine someone so close to you gotta get their foot cut off. Ouch...We all know how sad it is when something like that happens to one of our family members, it hurts the people around even more than the person going through it. So... just sit down and say a prayer... God Bless everyone...

I know you love me...

As my best friend would put it.... There's a story in my book, called ''my life'', in the chapter of ''my favourite part'', ~I discovered when I found a saviour. I realised when I felt the warmth. His holy presense never not enough for one to feel belonged and noticed.

And so my life was i very much connected to music, and i would listen to it everyday... sing it every hour... humm it every minute... to all sorts of music... all of my favorites, i would....just sing.... just listen.... to passion's singing. Its beautiful.... what would I do if one day i had no music. Could not listen... could not sing....I dare not imagine...and then i gave it a thought of vise versa if I am ~His music. This thought was a reminder for myself... to remember that ~He loves me.

But now and forever, this feeling would be mine. Not just that i know of... but also ~He. Because He loves me and i know it.

Long awaiting.

Lalala... Lalala... Singing singing... in my bathroom that is... Anyway, so hi everybody. Im really sorry i haven't been updating anything lately cause there's nothing happening so far. Although its summer... but what can i say ? Im yawning on my bed reading ''blood brothers'' AND im burning daylight. So... Oh !! Im also daydreaming !!! About hmmm... loads of stuff like what we're gonna do and where we're gonna go when my friend gets here. Man im SO excited !! Btw, i think i might soon have an accent really....just a little accent. hahahha.... but still me. School coursework has been a headache, still trying to bond with new friends but its not ''fitting in''. Im just being who i am. Im just waiting to get back to school so that i could get back on my feet cause seriously, i think im having just a little too much holiday now. I know a lot of you are ''dying'' to have a vacation but trust me, vacation more than 2 months ?? No thanks !! SO.... long awaiting I am... for a fresh year. I'll try to update more often now. I have stories... just that its best if its untold. OR maybe NOT !!! ( like Jem would say ) XD ! Hahahha....

Ma so-fa-perfet-dey..

Yahoooooo !!!!!!!! I know im still stuck in the library but Im trying to look at the bright side of things. Was going through some books on the shelf and i found TWILIGHT !! This reminds me of Farah somehow.. Anyways. Read it a little, promised myself that i would stop after two chaps but couldn't, so i continued, i feel crazily isane cause i've never read a same book twice so, BOOM !! I feel like i could totally play the whole story in my head ! It also hit my head that TODAY is the LAST day in school !!!! Until September that is. Later on, i went on with my work on 'Philosophy and believe'. I had my lunch break with Gemma, Stuart, Aaron, Cameron and Luke. It was the bestest break so far...we dint do much but had a great conversation altogether, and my work for today is mostly done, handed in my drama bullet points work ( teacher said it was good), probably going out with Gemma later after school by the park to burn some fat, dont know ? She'll call. Hesh's present is halfway done, Hannah still owes me an explaination why she dint come online yesterday and J's part of my diary is already written !! Feels super fantastic to know that Debz is starting her own business now !! Yes, im helping her promote here... Go ask her about it to find out more !! Proud of her !! Ah Ching NEEDS to get back to me with information !! Kala, thanks for the support, Keith... Thanks for the updates !! I also feel excited as Im patiently waiting for the next bell to ring so that i could get to Drama class to pick up ~Osh and Bekah ! They're coming back from music summer school !! YAY !!! Wish me luck for the rest of my day !! Muakz !!

Bored...hahah...

hahaha... As you read my title, you should know that im gonna tell you how bored i am right now. So, dont be surprise when you find out that i was talking crap the whole time when you finish reading this. So, if you're not in for craps, better dont read this one. hhahahaha !!!

so...YEAH...Im in the school library now, suppose to do my work but decided to come online to update my blog for a while... Cause doing work the whole time is getting REALLY boring... You people should know that right ? I have a crazy flu, my nose is stuck, my fingers shivering trying to type, my jacket still make me feel cold, dint bring a thicker one cause i came straight from my mum's office. And IF J were here, he would be FREEZING !! hahha... I can remember his look when he was cold in the cinemas hahhaha.... Besides the point, Im starting to like blogging, it feels like im just talking to the internet. And the internet wont comment, it wont advise and it wont get mad. It's emotionless... I feel fun talking to the internet. Yes yes... i am THAT bored right now. Mind's thinking of the fun i had with Hannah during POOL !! (oh.. i miss that ) Keith, Ryan TAN and the boys dint go as the plan, BUT Hannah and i always has back-up plans !! hahah... Ashish !! I miss him... He was so fun to be around with. Haiz... before i slept yesterday, i re-read the messages from my MSIA friends !!! And I come to think that if i never left, would they have ever told me what they did in those messages ? So many... Kala, Hannah, Deb, J, Trish, Hesh, Koe Shern, Jem, Jess and so many more... ANYWAY, i came into this blog today emotionless, so i wanna get out emotionless as well.. and SO before i get emotional, i better leave... SEE YA blog readers !!

Noises...

Where did you come from ?? Why cant you stop talking ?? Why are you like this ?? Why dont you do this ?? How come you're always on the computer ?? You sure your teacher din't say anything else ?? Can you understand me ?? Do you want me chilli or tomato ?? Do you love me or not ?? Do you like her ?? Did you miss me ?? Where are you ?? What time is it ?? How many days do you have left ?? Why dont you get started ?? Can you retype this for me ?? Can you put these over there?? Do you wanna go down to London ?? Do you miss him ?? Do you think its worth it ?? Why dont you make up your mind ?? How are you gonna get through this ?? How are you gonna cook that without this ?? How come this noise NEVER go away ?!?!?!?!?!!?!?

(ALL I HEAR IS YAYAYAYAYA, YOU'RE TALKING WAY TO MUCH... I CANT EVEN HEAR ME NOW...i cant remember the lyrics...hahaah....OUTTA MA, OUTTA MA HEAD...GET OUTTA MA HEAD !!! )
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JUST SSHHHhhhhhhhhh.....

Some would tell me.....Think happy thoughts...
Some would suggest....Just go to your room and cry it out...
Some wisper to me......Pray...
Some saying....Just give it time.....
Some will type.... Forget it and put up a smile...
Some just gives up and say...suck it up !!!

All these voices i can hear in my inner mind...
My time has begun...its changing.
Except the calming silent that i've been looking for... i cant find.
My life has started to turn... Its my believing..
All that i have now... He tells me its temporary...
All that i dont have...She tells me its not nessasary..
For one thing i know... I try to ignore...
The truth and facts are the best gifts... But yet to me, it is sore...
Not pain and confusion but faint in concussions...
Not gain and break free but stuck in obsession...
Im not stressed and also not annoyed...
I wrote this for the sake of my feelings...
Wrote this at 10:28am from my school's computer...
Wrote this on a Monday...
Wrote this on the 20th of July 2009.

WHAT ON EARTH AM I HOCKING ABOUT ?!?!?!
I dont know myself... Hannah ? Hesh ? Kala ? Do you ?? You dont ain't it ?? hahahahah....

I have new secrets...weird ones

Over the past few days in my life, I have let myself into the traps of secrets yet again. Hahaahah... The piling up of secrets started last Monday......

My dad and I were having a ''father-daughter-day-out'' thing. We were basically trying to move furnitures from the back of my mum's office to our new rented house. While we were moving some of the furnitures, Uncle Clive came along and tried to land a hand...which was nice of him cause the cupboard that i was moving with my dad was ridiculously heavy !! So.... as they were moving the cupboard, i went back upstairs to take the mattress that was ''softer'' than the cupboard. hahhaha.... Next thing you know, when i was coming down the spiral starcase, the side of the mattress hit something super heavy and i cut my last and index finger trying to hold that thing up. I was scared so i dint tell anyone !! HAHAHHAHAAH !!! WOW !! ''BIG'' secret huh ?? Well, the fact that the thing that cut my fingers could be rusty for all i know made me felt like it WAS a ''BIG'' secret.

From this part onwards.... it is advised for ONLY GIRLS... but be my guest, just dont be disgusted or upset. Seriously.... Dont.

Next==--- 3....2....1 !!! I think I found ONE hot guy ! hahahahah..... and many many hot girls but let's not go there. So here i stay in this place full of young hot people so i dont know who is ACTUALLY hotTER than the others. hahaha, made sense ? Cause everybody else had sharp nose and all so it was hard to tell who was cute and who was not. Now did it make sense ? Right, whatever....ooops, i meant moving on... I just thought that this particular guy whos name is not gonna be mentioned so you can stop hoping is SO ''perfect''. He has features like Emmett for those who watched twilight and talks like a superfast engine moving. hahahah... SO yeah...This is my next secret because i secretly thinks he is hot among the hot people around. hahahaha !! Sorry girls ! Cant show pictures and guys who read this dont feel bad cause i still love you ''guys'' !! But SSSHHH!!! It's a secret yea !! Cover this somebody !!!

Two messages ? One life changed.

Woke up this morning and i had two messages, '' Cal me when you get this, urgent'' from mum. And ''EMILY !! cal me when you read this !! Its about him and I, we broke up '' !!! from someone i know. hahahhaah, I jumped up from the bed immediately and called them as soon as possible.

So my mum said, '' YOU GOT ACCEPTED !!! '' I stunted.... hahahah... Guess Im stayin here for a while after all. She was more excited than i was, I guess J was right. She just wants me here with her.Eveything here with the school council is done. Im going to Norton Hill High on Friday.
As for the other case, no, they dint break up.

With so much that's happened in such a short time. I feel lost.... Like Im not driving my life, but its on an auto-pilot sorta thing. But I do know that Im still driving my spiritual and emtional life. Those are still under control. I feel blessed with all these and i appreciate them the way they are. Thanks to Jem and Jia Wei. I still feel connected to my church. To Debz, for all we've been trough. And to J, i feel that he's in control of his own life, Koe Shern and Hesh, the memories of **kasturi** !! hahahah !!! AND to Hannah ( bestest friend), she'll be great, i know it ! Especially better when she's coming over here to England during Christms and we'll go skiing !!! Dont ask why i put Hannah last cause she's the one that i talk most about ! hahahha... Love and miss you guys ! XOXO.... WHICHGIRL !?!

MY CLOTHES !!!

Oh my goodness !!! This is totally horrible !! All my most lovable cloths are all GONE !! WHY ?? Basically, I repack my bags and put the difty clothes aside so i could differenciate them easier. But without asking or checking, my mum told my aunt that it was a baf of rubbish !!! And so i forgotten about it. Then when we returned to Bristol, I remembered about my bag of clothes, and i asked my mum for my aunt's number, she asked why, and i told her, and she told me that she told my aunt that it was a bag of RUBBISH !!!! I WAS FURIOUS !!!! My goodness !!! Im so broken hearted right now ! Those were one of my best clothes !! I cant even imagine them in a rubbish truck !! All dirt and horrble smell that goes with it !! AHHH !!!! Help !!! Talk to me !!! Keep me calm !!!

I need to know.

I still haven't gotten over the thoughts of ''you looking after me''. I keep thinking that there's something else to it. Something that make sense to me. Cause this definitely does not. Please... help me find out. I need to know. If there's another meaning to it ? OR if its just a song to remind you of me and nothing else. Just tell me because YES I do feel that you are..... Just tell me... Dont make me suffer.

Other than that, now that im in England, the school that i previously got accepted has sent a letter to my mum saying that the council has intructed them to put me on hold yet again because there was no certification of my passport and address. So right now, my mum, my dad, my aunt, uncle Clive, and a lot more are all tryin to get me into a school here. Why so much trouble ? Because my mum believes that education here would be better than education in the country that I just came from. Well... My dad thinks differently, he thinks that I would do better from where I came from. What do I want ?? I think I would just wanna take one step at a time. Im only 15 ! Ok, fine... that might be old enough to make decisions but I wanna be happy. And right now, I dunno if i am or not. What if my parents go through so much and when i grow up, I turn out to be something not expected by them ? What if I let them down ? It'll crush them ! I need to know what to do.... Pray...

Was it what I think it was ?

My head has been messed up so horribly recently by my studies and my boy world. All the studies with England or Malaysia is totally annoying !!! First yes, then no, then yes....who knows ? Later it goes back to NO ?!?!

Haih.....Despite that, in my life... There's always boys around. Boys that just keep coming from out of no where.Today, I was wondering if he was trying to stop me from getting away from him. Because he sound out. Its just, im not too sure if he meant something else. Or is it really what was sung ? Im not sure... Im confused and my head cant take it. Even though i missed this feeling coming from a boy. Was it a ?? Really ? Was it just fitting with how he feels ? Or was it something else ? Okay, okay... Maybe it dint mean anything.... Maybe I was just dreaming....It was just a sign of reminder of me to someone anyway. But I would love it for someone to look after me. Definitely....Who doesn't ?? Thanks though... xoxo. Confused ?? So am I.

The New Haunts...

Everyone's got a choice of a lifetime. One decision, a yes or a no may probably lead us to a total different future. Ya..Ya...Cut the crap.. Get ta the point pls ! Okay !!

In exactly 77 hours, I must leave the house that I've been living in for 14 years !!! Even though its an old house, it meant something to me. Im about to move to a different world, a whole new culture and a massive change of surroundings.I could have chosen not to, but I know I would regret not leaving. Even though I know that I risk a high chance of losing loads of people I love and those especially as my friend. They mean the world to me, but unfortunately never knew... till now. Voices from everywhere around the school are telling me to abort this decision or mindset because of my tied down connections and deep hearted feelings for some people is just almost close to mean to just leave behind.

I never put much thoughts about it until recently when I checked out the place I was going to. My mind had no other choice but to pop a "yes'' when I knew that it was what I wanted. But Im not sure at all if its worth going through all these while making others who needs me suffer. They are dear to me, which means they will support me with whatever Im going through, but I could never hurt someone that cares so much about me, abandon them here and leave. The haunts has arrived....Its still not too late.... but what in the love of God will I do ?

Interestin or not ?

Hahaha.... I'vealwaysthoughtbloging WAS awasteoftime. UntilrecentlywhenIhadafriend, Jemimahwhoshowedmethefunofdoingthis.Itisn'twhatIexpectedbutIwouldn'tmindgivingitatry. Icouldalwaysstop if Iwantedto.Yes,myblog IS writtenlikethisonpurpose. AmIretarded ? No, Imjusttryintogetchablind.Itkeepspeoplewho'snotinteresedaway.Yes,youcansaywhatevayawant,butit AINT gonnachangethewayIwrite UNLESS Iwantedto.Enoughmeblabbing,let'sgetdowntorealshit.

Icamebackrecentlyfromtheothersideoftheworldandfoundoutoneofmefriend ''did it''.Inawayitwasawesomelycool,andthatperson'snotevenintrouble?!But,thatperson'sgotanexplainationtado.Nottomebuttowhomeveritis. Yaknowwhatit'slikeright?Beinginmyparticularsituation?Tafeellike''whatthehell''or''unbelievable''! Thispersonstartedsmokin(whichimNOTkeenatALLon), AFTERIleftthisplace. IdunowhybutnotethatweareNOTtogether. ThispersondeniesreasonsthatIprovide. Andifitsnotbecauseofmyreasonsbutbecauseofsex?Itsstill NOT worthdestroyingyourlifetobeginwith. Espeaciallywhenthispersonissoveryyoung. IwouldlikethispersontoknowthatIwillbehisfriendforalong-longtimebecauseaverginisjustONEstepawayfrombeinganon-vergin. Imcoolbothwaysanyways. Sowhatnow?